I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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