DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
