Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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