brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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