i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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