D3 body, D1 cock
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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