Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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