my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.