Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
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She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?