dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine