we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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