I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...