We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.