I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina