I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating