I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize