i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize