I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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