it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
