I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
