you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't deserve a penis
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
