Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
