If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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