just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
