she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
