so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
