I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
