I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
