final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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