i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
