They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
