I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
