I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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