I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
