Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
