This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
