He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
