Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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