Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
