i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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