id be glad to
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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