i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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