Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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