i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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