when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
