I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Nicole vs. Life
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
