i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize