Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
