I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
