Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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