We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
