I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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