Just fell off a train. Bad.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
