while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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