Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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