btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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