super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
