I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
