i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
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I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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