my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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