Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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