I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
