All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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