just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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