I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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